Pain
by Ally K
Summary: Sam finds she’s pregnant and doesn’t know what to do…..


TITLE: Pain  
  
AUTHOR: Ally K  
  
EMAIL: sunshine_slayer@hotmail.com  
  
ARCHIVE: heliopolis and any who wants it.  
  
CATEGORY: S/J, Angst, Romance  
  
SPOILERS: Divide and Conquer, Upgrades, First Commandment  
  
SEASON/SEQUEL: 4  
  
RATING: PG  
  
CONTENT WARNINGS:  
  
SUMMARY: Sam finds she's pregnant and doesn't know what to do...  
  
DISCLAIMER: None of this is mine; the story and idea is my own but the characters and the Stargate program has nothing to do with me.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: Just a what-if Sam became pregnant? Feedback would really be appreciated; did u love/hate it, any comments would really help.  
  
Pain  
  
Sam clutched to her stomach and tears streamed down her cheeks. She couldn't risk telling anyone, her actions had major consequences, not just for her. For him. How she wished she could be in his strong arms but it was him that had got her into this.mess.she didn't know whether she should even call it a child. She had been, ignoring, the matter for nearly 2 months now and soon the baby would be showing. Loose fitting clothes can only do so much, for so long. Time had flittered away and now she was forced to say something.  
  
How could she say it now? But the longer she put it off.she suddenly heard a beeping. She picked up her pager and read "Mission. Base. Now". All thoughts of telling him were quickly forgotten as she pulled on her baggiest pair of trousers and headed for the base.  
  
~  
  
"Carter, you ok?" Jack asked as she entered the briefing. Her face was a lot paler this morning and he couldn't help but notice that cute smile wasn't on her face, again. **What's up with her? Maybe it's just her hormones.? **  
  
"Just a bit of a upset stomach, it'll soon pass". She tried to reassure him. **It's called pregnancy.how can I possible tell him? I'll loose my job; he'll loose his. No it's my problem, so I'm just going to have to deal with it. **She miserably decided. **Like you've been dealing with it so far**.  
  
"Major Carter, could you fill us in on the basics of the planet?"  
  
**Shit! Did I even look at the MALP? What the hell did I write? Which planet is he talking about.stomach.** her stomach lunged and she could feel the sickness going through her. She sped out of the room to the toilets. **What if they don't let me on the mission? What if I'm forced to take." she lunged again. **Absence** she thought groggily. **No, they can't. Splash water on your face and brave it. You have too, otherwise they'll suspect.**.  
  
Sam appeared a few minutes later and looked a little better, thankful that everything was on her side. She no longer had to explain the 'basics' and the General, even though he slightly questioned it, allowed her to go.  
  
Changed, she prepared herself. Deciding that as soon as they got back, she'd tell him. Everything. Worse case scenario she'd be a single mum forced to go back to part time science work. A tear trickled down her face but she quickly swept it back. It wouldn't be that bad.she would have lost everything but at least she would still have the child.  
  
Yes, a child. She had finally accepted it. The fact that in about 7 months she would be Mummy, even if 'Daddy' weren't on the scene. Nothing was going to change that.  
  
She looked up at the event horizon and stepped through. She arrived on the planet weak and she let herself fall to the ground.  
  
"Sam, are you alright?" Daniel asked her.  
  
Sam looked over at Jack wondering whether he had even noticed. She doubted it and sighed. "Just a bit queasy Daniel. I'll be fine in a minute".  
  
Sam remained silent as they dredged to the nearest village in search of the important Naquadah in the soil. She wasn't feeling much better but it hurt more than Jack hadn't even noticed. **Yes, today was the best day to tell him about her pregnancy* she thought wearily. **He doesn't even care.another one of my reasons for not telling him**.  
  
Jack had been pretty cold towards her the past few weeks and she couldn't help but wonder whether it was to do with them sleeping together. It hadn't been planned, it just happened. It was the night after he told her how he loved her, and she reciprocated it. They both agreed they could keep it under rapt but after Martouf dying Sam was so upset she let Jack comfort her. Ever since then things had been strained between them. Neither knowing how to act around each other and when Sam found out she was pregnant it made her situation a thousand times worse.  
  
He had of course asked her for the first time in months whether she was ok, but she wasn't that hopeful. Though perhaps today was the right day, she wished.  
  
"How far now Carter?"  
  
"Another Mile, Sir"  
  
**Another mile, can I.? ** She felt a little lightheaded but she shook her head and forced herself on. **I can.. there's no turning back now.**.  
  
A shot narrowly missed Sam's arm and she leapt to the ground. Jack had his gun out and desperately looked round to see where it was coming from.  
  
"Teal'c, where are they?"  
  
"I do not know, O'Neill".  
  
Sam reached into her backpack and took out her gun. She pulled herself up and used the tree as cover. She could hear something behind her and she got up in attempt to shoot easier.  
  
A pain suddenly caught her and she stumbled with her body slowly rolling down the hill.  
  
"Carter!" Jack screamed as he rushed over to her. He grabbed her hand just before she hit the cliff and with all his strength pulled her up.  
  
"Jack" she mumbled as she slipped into unconsciousness.  
  
"Sam, stay with me. You have to hold on". He looked down at her stomach and saw a mass of red. He took over his jacket and attempted to stop the bleeding. "Daniel, run as fast as you can back home and get doctor Frasier. Now. Daniel"  
  
The archaeologist ran for what seemed like forever with tears of worry filling his eyes for his friend. The gate seemed so far away but finally he made it and he arrived in the gate room panicked. Dr Frasier followed immediately with a team.  
  
Jack couldn't stand the waiting. He could see Sam slowly slipping away from him and there was nothing they could do. The shooters had disappeared making him realise that it was just Sam they been after. Maybe it was because she was a woman.a woman he loved.  
  
Tears streamed down his cheeks as he tried to stop the bleeding and support her head. What else could he do? She was getting paler and his jacket was now soaked with her blood. Teal'c gave him his jacket and gently Jack changed them over. He held her and looked at her agonizingly. He wanted to scream, what if this was how he lost her? He would never get to repair the damage, the coldness he had given her over the past weeks. It was just.he let himself go and he knew he shouldn't have. He realised now how selfish he had been to punish her for his actions.  
  
"I love you Sam," he whispered into her ear.  
  
"O'Neill, it is Dr Frasier".  
  
Jack sighed with relief but he just hoped it was soon enough. He swept his tears away and let the doctor do her miracle work, he hoped.  
  
Jack watched Janet like a hawk, but he couldn't face leaving the room where her body lay. His mind immediately flicked back to the barrier where he couldn't leave her anymore then than he could now. She was trapped and he had no way of saving her. Fate had been on their sides last time, surely it could be again or perhaps then wasn't the right time.?  
  
She didn't deserve to die. She was so young and had so much left to offer.. least they had shared their feelings. Then that night.but what had he been like afterwards, a jerk, a typical sleazy guy. Something he had always tried not to, he wanted to be the decent one, that called, that cared.. why the hell did it take this to make him realise it?  
  
The scene was one of panic and speed. Doctors rushed in and nurses went out fetching everything including blood. A lot of it. Jack panicked as he saw the next pint go in, could his love really survive so much?  
  
He just stared and hoped, he even prayed to God. Something, which he never did. He doubted whether it was heard, as he wasn't even sure if there was a God but he just wished that if there were, then he'd save her. It was the only thing he had ever asked for, but he wondered whether it was too much to ask? Though he always had hope and her.  
  
~ Jack slept by her on a chair and waited for her to regain consciousness. The doctor's truthful words still echoing round his mind. "She might never wake up, she lost a lot of blood. The next 48 hours will be crucial but only time will tell". Jack had of course reminded her that Sam was strong. She'd shown this on numerous occasions that she had strength far greater than most men and intelligence. That was one of the reasons why he loved her so much.  
  
He had tried to stay awake but his eyes were too heavy and if anything happened he'd know.  
  
"Wake up sleepy head" Janet told him as she entered cheerfully.  
  
"Is she...?"  
  
"Not quite, but her vital signs are good and she's stable. Jack, she's going to be fine, but I don't know whether she'll wake up today but she will. You just might have to wait a bit longer".  
  
"Thank God" he muttered and looked up for a second. Had he listened? If he had, he had a lot to be thankful for. His love was alive and would live to see another day.  
  
Janet's face fell as she remembered and she contemplated whether to tell him now. She didn't want too, she knew it would hurt him deeply but she had too. She should have last night but she wanted to see whether Sam would pull through. That was her main priority but with her definitely on the mend now she had to say it. Perhaps she should wake for her to wake up, to break the news gently to them both but she couldn't help but feel that Jack should not have to wait that long. It was unfair and he was her friend.  
  
How should she address him? By his title, as a friend?  
  
"Jack" it was best she kept it gentle. "I have to talk to you about something important".  
  
"Ok" that made him nervous. "Fire away"  
  
"Not here, in my office" it was too informal here and she risked someone else hearing.  
  
"Tell me what is going on?"  
  
"Jack" she began nervously. "Sam suffered massive bleeding to."  
  
"You said she was going to be fine" he panicked.  
  
"She is, but the baby isn't. She had a miscarriage".  
  
"She was preg-nant,." he said slowly not taking in what he was saying.  
  
"You didn't know?" **What if its not his? Oh my God, what have I done? I should have let Sam do this.**  
  
"No, she never told me".  
  
**Does that mean it was his? What the hell am I meant to do? I know she loved him and he loved her but sleeping together, breaking regulations? Would they really have broken them, risked loosing their jobs? ** Janet thought in horror. She just assumed her friend would have told her if she had been seeing someone else, but then again she never mentioned her pregnancy..  
  
Jack wondered for a second whether it had been his but then he thought it through. She wouldn't do that, and even is she wanted to she didn't exactly have much free time and what she had she spent working on some science project at the base. No, there was no doubt in his mind that the baby, hadn't been his. It would certainly explain her recent sickness and the timing was right for that night.  
  
He felt awful, he had been so cold towards her lately and provided no support to her when she really needed him.. **Why didn't she tell me? ** He suddenly flared angrily. **How did she expect me to help her, when I didn't know? How could she do that to me? Did she not think I had a right to know, I am** tears pricked his eyes and his furious face slightly softened. **She should have known I would have stood by her. The trust we have.. we face death all the time. If we didn't have trust then, we wouldn't survive. Why is this different? Why.?The doc.**  
  
"Jack, I'm sure she never meant to hurt you" she assumed from the silence that he was, had been the father.  
  
"How could she not trust me?" he asked hurt but with anger brewing.  
  
"Maybe she was waiting for the right time?" Janet suggested.  
  
"Yeah" Jack muttered before slamming the door behind him.  
  
~  
  
Jack watched Sam sleep and gazed at the beautiful woman before him. He knew he shouldn't have these feelings for her but they were uncontrollable. He knew that it was not her fault; it was him that was to blame. He knew that he was breaking regulations but he loved her and missed the love of a woman. Finding out she felt the same way had been too much of a temptation and now she was pregnant, was.the baby was dead. He still could not accept that. He could have been a father, put the right what he hadn't done with Charlie. A second chance.  
  
He knew he should have been more supportive but why didn't she tell him? That was what hurt, the fact that she felt she couldn't. He thought about it for hours whilst gazing at her. Sometimes he stroked her face lovingly and nearly kissed her cheek but then he would get angry and nearly walk away. But he knew that he must be there when she awoke. He still felt as if he would loose her, but he could trust Janet's diagnosis, right?  
  
Jack jumped when her hand stirred and he wrapt his hand around hers and waited for eagerly for her eyes to open.  
  
"Jack" she muttered and his heart jumped.  
  
"I'm here Sam" he squeezed her hand.  
  
Her eyes fluttered. "Hey" she replied weakly.  
  
"Hey, yourself" he smiled as relief flooded through him. "Don't you ever do that to me again".  
  
"I'll try and not get shot, Sir"  
  
A moment's silence at the simple three letter word that they feared so much.  
  
"The doc recons you'll be out in a few days".  
  
"Good" she smiled. "There's only so much you can take of these walls, I don't know how Daniel's stands them. How is everyone else?"  
  
Jack grinned at her question; that was the reason he loved her most. She cared, more for others than herself, always putting their needs above her own. "They're fine, Sam. Danny's been lurking around too and Teal'c has been asking how you are".  
  
"My back's killing me" she attempted to make herself comfier by leaning forward. A pain shot through her and she moved her hand to her stomach in support. She stopped and they both stared at its position. It was supporting her womb, where the baby had been. "I'm so sorry Jack".  
  
"How could you not tell me?" he shouted letting all his emotions out.  
  
"I.. I.. the regulations"  
  
"Don't give me that crap Sam," he yelled. "Tell me the real reason, why you killed my child?"  
  
Tears streamed down Sam's cheek. "I'm so sorry"  
  
"Sorry, won't bring them back."  
  
"Jack, please" she begged and moved her hand towards him.  
  
He cast the gesture aside. "Ok, lets try another question" he glared at her in disgust, which cut right through Sam. "How long have you known?"  
  
She looked down and swept the tears away. "About a month"  
  
"A month!" he jumped to his feet, his fist moved forward but he stopped himself. Sam coiled back frightened, then she realised something and her strength returned.  
  
"Don't you dare take it out all on me. You've been avoiding me for weeks: being so cold and spineless. How was I meant to tell you?"  
  
"I might have known you would twist it to be my fault. That's just like you"  
  
"What!" she shouted hurt. "Least I didn't want the baby as a replacement" then her face turned to one of sorrow. "Jack, I'm sorry"  
  
Too late, he fled in, hurt, anger, regret? She had no idea. All she knew was that she had to speak to him. Her desperation forced her to pull out the IV tube and get out of bed. She stumbled but made herself walk towards the door. The pain swept through her but she ignored it even when she could feel the stitches breaking.."Jack" she continually shouted but he was too far-gone to hear. Blood flowed freely and her gown was soaked. The throbbing was too much and she had no strength left. Her vision blurred and she saw the room spinning. Her legs gave way, which sent her crashing to the floor.  
  
~  
  
Daniel glared at the artefact for the hundredth time. He hadn't been concentrating and his work pile had gradually increased. He couldn't help but worry about his friend. Janet had told him she would be all right, make a full recovery but Sam was like family to him. He just didn't know whether now was the right time to see, but was there ever a right time?  
  
He put the artefact down, and realised he hadn't even noticed the engraved golden base but he continued to walk before he bottled out.  
  
"Hey Janet, Sam's not got company right?"  
  
"Jack, was there earlier, but I'm sure I saw him go"  
  
Relieved, he walked on but something caught his attention as he got nearer to the infirmary. It looked like the light was hitting a red liquid.  
  
"Sam" Daniel shouted in a panic.  
  
He found her lying on the floor blood flowing freely from her stomach. He quickly took his jacket off in attempt to stop the bleeding. "Janet" he screamed. "Sam's bleeding out" no answer. "Janet"  
  
Janet turned and ran to Sam. She grabbed a kit and started to steady the blood loss. "Daniel, get me a med team, and tell them to bring 3 units of AB negative"  
  
Daniel sprinted off while Janet tried to work a miracle. "Why did you get up, Sam?" she muttered as she tried to save her.  
  
A med team arrived minutes later and he and another doctor helped carry Sam onto a bed. She inserted an IV and told the terrified Daniel to wait outside.  
  
"Come on Sam, you can't leave us now." he prayed as he paced the corridor, wondering whether he would ever see his friend again. ~  
  
"Is this seat taken?"  
  
Jack looked up from the rim of his glass. Her youthful beauty startled him. Her long dark hair hung perfectly across her petite framework. Her skin flawless and in his drunken state he couldn't help but notice the figure hugging red dress.  
  
"I'm not waiting for anyone".  
  
She let her coat slip off her shoulders revealing the whole outfit and as she sat down she made sure she caught his eye. Her legs crossed and she sat seductively forcing him not to take his eyes off her.  
  
"I'm Stacey".  
  
"Jack" his eyes returned to his drink and a frown began to form on her face.  
  
Determined that she wouldn't be beaten, she started up a conversation. She wanted her free drink, at least.  
  
"What do you usually do?" she asked while twisting a strand of her dark hair round her finger seductively then to her rosy lips.  
  
"I'm in the Air Force" he loved saying that. The ladies always adored it.  
  
"Do you have a title?  
  
He rolled his eyes when he wasn't looking at her then turned round and smiled. He knew he wasn't exactly Einstein but how corny can you get? Playing was fun. "Colonel".  
  
"Wow. Do you fly planes?"  
  
**No, pigs!**. "Yeah, I love being in the air, it lets me release myself." **Did I just say that crap? **  
  
"That's amazing" she moved closer to him. "Will you take me in one?"  
  
"Sometime, I have a lot of authority"  
  
"Can I show you something first?" she beant over and kissed him.  
  
He kissed back then stopped. He couldn't do this. He wouldn't cheat on Sam, even after all she had done, he loved her. He would regret it.  
  
"I don't think so" he told her straight and pushed her away.  
  
"Your choice, go back and play husband" she told him snootly. "Just think of what you missed" she let her hands move slowly down her body. Then she walked away.  
  
Jack stared at the drink and a tear pricked his eye. He quickly brushed it away and walked back to his car, away from everyone else.  
  
~ "Sam" he looked at her relieved and debated for a minute to go in. He walked in and was shocked at her paleness but after nearly dying, again, what did he expect? He moved closer, their eyes locked. They hadn't lost any of their usual glow.  
  
"Hey, Daniel" she said weakly.  
  
"How are you feeling?"  
  
She smiled and then curled up in pain.  
  
"Stupid question but Janet said you'll make a full recovery, but asked me to remind you, she'll kill you herself, if you get up from that bed again".  
  
"I won't".  
  
"Why did you?" he asked nervously.  
  
"Where's Jack?" she enquired avoiding the question but she was desperate to know. He hadn't come by and it hurt deeply, more than the wounds, much worse.  
  
"He's.. he went to the Cabin. I don't know why, he just said he had to get away. He wasn't in the mood for talking..." he stopped seeing her pain. Then he realised. "He was the reason you were out of bed wasn't he?"  
  
She hung her head not wanting to meet his eyes.  
  
"Oh Sam" he took her hand. "You nearly died because of him" anger flooded through him. Jack was his best friend, but sometimes he was a jerk. "I can't believe him".  
  
"It was my fault" Sadness swept over her face. "Its all my fault" tears were now streaming down her cheeks.  
  
"Sam, you can trust me" he reassured her.  
  
"I killed the baby".  
  
"You were pregnant!" he replied shocked but then saw she needed comfort, not questions.  
  
"I didn't tell him. I know I should have, the baby would still be alive if I had have done".  
  
**She didn't tell Jack, that explains it but she doesn't deserve to nearly die**. "It's not your fault".  
  
"I should never have gone on that mission".  
  
**Wait...** "Sam, how can you blame yourself? You didn't kill the baby, they did. The natives on P3X 456, they shot at you and killed the baby. Not you."  
  
"I should have told him but...".  
  
"Why didn't you?" he regretted his words but it was too late to take them back now.  
  
"Because of the regulations. He would loose his job, he's my CO. I know how much he loves the job. I just couldn't".  
  
"Sam, its takes too. He was as.".  
  
"He's been so cold lately. He thinks of that night as a mistake, why would he want to hear of another? He doesn't want to be anywhere near me".  
  
"I'm sure..".  
  
"I'm a mistake, he doesn't love me. He hates me" tears flowed freelydown her face.  
  
"He loves you Sam".  
  
"Not anymore".  
  
"I'll talk to him, I promise. Everything gonna be okay. Trust me"  
  
"Thanks Daniel" her head hit the pillow and all went black.  
  
~  
  
Sam slipped her clothes on painfully and smiled at the thought of leaving this plain boring room. He hadn't come. He had said nothing but at least she would have her..she walked and a pain shot to her stomach...freedom.  
  
"You have to rest. That was the agreement".  
  
"Yes Janet, as long as I can get home".  
  
"Seriously Sam, you have too. Daniel's gonna take you home. I'll drop by later with Cassie. She's dying to see you".  
  
"Thanks".  
  
"I never thought of myself as a taxi service but you know I do quite like it!" Daniel joked when they stopped at the traffic light.  
  
She smiled.  
  
"I'm sorry, he hurt you Sam".  
  
She sighed. "Hey, least I get time off!".  
  
"How do you feel now?"  
  
"Better" he stopped outside her house. "Can you get my keys out?"  
  
"Sure" he opened the door and carried her bag in.  
  
"I'm really tired Daniel" she lied. He let the door close behind him. Sam fell onto the couch and cried.  
  
She awoke at the knocking on the door. "Sam, we have to talk"  
  
She wanted to jump up at the sound of * his* but she didn't have the strengh. "Coming" she moved slowly. "Jack, where have you been?"  
  
"Cut the crap, we have to sort this out. Now".  
  
She sat back down and prepared herself for whatever he might throw at her but after what she had put herself through, it could hardly be much worse. She doubted Jack could even have acknowledged how she felt, the immense guilt, the trauma of the accident and the loss of a baby.  
  
"Fine. But try to be rational Jack, I know its hard for you" she commented bitterly.  
  
"I want to know, what gave you the right to keep that sort of information from me?"  
  
"What gave me the right?" she put her hand up to her chin and turned to look at him. "The fact that you left me and said nothing then pretended as if I was just another officer. Why the hell should you have any rights over me? Its my body, it has nothing to do with you!" she shouted.  
  
"I was the baby's father. I damn well know my rights. I mucked up Sam, but why the hell should I be punished?"  
  
"I needed support and you left me on my own. When I needed you the most you treated me badly. What did you expect?"  
  
"My child and now they're dead. They died before I even knew they existed. How do you think that made me feel?" he asked her calmer.  
  
Tears filled her eyes. "I wanted to and now I can never make it up. I'll never get another chance..."  
  
"Sam."  
  
"I can never have children now" she cried. "Happy now. I've got what I deserve, right?"  
  
"What?" he moved closer to her in remorse. "I'm sorry..."  
  
She pulled back as he tried to comfort her. "No, I won't let you back in. You deserted me, I could have died Jack and you didn't care. You never did" she got up and stumbled holding her stomach in agony.  
  
"Sam" he rushed up to her but she pushed him away.  
  
"I don't need your help." She pulled up her baggy t-shirt to show him the long deep scar she would have for eternity. A mark to remind her of what she did, of guilt. "I'll always have this to remind me. After you left the other day, I tried to race after you".  
  
"But you were in bed".  
  
"I pulled out the IV, the stitches came out and I nearly died, again, because of you".  
  
"I can't say how sorry I am".  
  
"But what really hurt was the biggest lie you told".  
  
"I would never lie to you".  
  
"You said you loved me, and now I know all that night was just sex". She said with disgust.  
  
"No" he moved closer and tried to kiss her in attempt to show hwo he really felt  
  
"What the hell are you doing?". She shouted as she pulled away  
  
"I thought.."  
  
"Don't you ever touch me again" she screamed in repulsion. "Get out Jack".  
  
"No, I won't".  
  
"Get out. Now" she tried to push him out but he grabbed hold of her arms and pushed her back. Sam fell and yelped. He tried to help her up but she didn't give him the chance. "Leave me alone" she shouted with her eyes showing no regret. This time Jack left, remorsefully.  
  
~  
  
"You hit her?"  
  
"No..not exactly.I didn't mean..what have I done?" Jack asked Daniel.  
  
"You have to sort this out".  
  
"How can I?"  
  
"You have to. How long ago was this?" Daniel wondered.  
  
"This afternoon".  
  
"Maybe you should leave it till her tomorrow. It'll give her time to calm down"  
  
Jack tossed and turned all night and as soon as he thought it was a reasonable time he drove round. First thing he noticed, no car in the driveway but he still banged on the door and called her name.  
  
"She's gone".  
  
Jack turned round and looked at the young woman who had just out from her house.  
  
"Gone?" he stuttered at the words. "Gone, as in will come back later, or in a few days?".  
  
"Gone, as in left for good. I helped her take some her of belongings into storage and she's put her house on the market" the neighbour told him.  
  
"What? She's never coming back. When?"  
  
"Yesterday, well early this morning she caught a plane".  
  
"To where?" he asked panicked.  
  
"No idea, she just said she had to get as far as possible from here. I was sorry she left, she seemed nice enough though I didn't see her much. Always at work". She smiled before closing the door behind her.  
  
Jack was stunned. She had left because of him. What had he done? He slipped back in his car and drove round, thinking.  
  
~ Sam awoke as the plane hit the runway. She looked out and half-smiled as she looked out onto the sunny plain. She had always wanted to go to LA, but she just never had the chance but now she had nothing to hold her back. A tear escaped her eye but she pushed it back and gathered her belongings and exited the plane. The sun immediately hit and warmed her pale face.  
  
She stepped into the unknown. No prospects, no plan, this was the new Sam. One who lived for the moment and let no one make the choices on her life but her.  
  
She hailed down a taxi but had no idea where to say to. How about the beach? She thought happily. She let the wind whip through her hair and looked at freedom. She loved it but she just regretted she never said goodbye to Daniel, Teal'c and Cassie... She would never be able to see her Dad again but it was nothing to compared to the pain if she had stayed. As she passed the crowds of elated people she knew that she had made the right decision.  
  
~  
  
"She just left?" Daniel repeated for the fifth time. He just couldn't believe Sam would do anything so rash. To give up everything she had worked for in a split second decision.  
  
"Yes, her belongings are in storage, car sold and even her house is on the market".  
  
"So she didn't leave any forwarding address?"  
  
"No, nothing. I've got every contact I have looking out for her but I very much doubt they'll find her. Not if she doesn't want to be found".  
  
"I'm sorry Jack".  
  
"I've only got myself to blame. I pushed her away and now I've ruined her life. She had to leave everything to escape me. What have I done?" Jack couldn't hold the tough guy act up for any longer. He let the tears escape. "I've lost her for good. I have never loved anyone like I love her, not even Sara."  
  
Daniel didn't what to say; he just couldn't help remembering Sam's words "I was a mistake..". He couldn't exactly tell Jack that it was him that pushed her away. Today he hadn't just lost a friend, it felt as if he had lost his soul-mate. "If she doesn't want to be found, then maybe its time you moved on to".  
  
Jack didn't bother to reply he just turned and left.  
  
~  
  
Sam sat in the little café with ease. She had let everything slide and was finally relaxed, more so than she had been in a long time.  
  
"Can I have another piece of pie?" Sam asked the middle-aged woman.  
  
"Its nice to have someone eating it, most women round here are always fussing about their weight. Not that you're."  
  
Sam laughed. "It's a shame, its gorgeous!".  
  
"I haven't seen you in here before" she commented while taking the pie from the glass container.  
  
"No, I just.." She stopped she had no reason to lie. "I just had to leave my old life, so here I am".  
  
"Tough break up? I came here myself 5 years ago, after I found my husband in bed with another woman".  
  
"I'm sorry".  
  
"I'm not. Best thing that ever happened to me. I married too young" she turned to her. "So what brought you to sunny LA. The sun, or are you a budding actress wanting to make it big?" she joked.  
  
Sam grinned. "I had a miscarriage and I broke up with my boyfriend". **Can I even call him that?**  
  
"So you're here. Where are you staying?"  
  
"A motel, when I can get out of this chair".  
  
"Do you need a job? I mean waitressing hardly.." She offered.  
  
"Yes" she smiled in acceptance. "It's just what I need at the moment. A stress free job. Thank you".  
  
"Well that's' settled, but just one thing.."  
  
"Sam".  
  
"Cathy" she introduced. "Have you ever waitressed before or do I need to show you the ropes?"  
  
"When I was 18".  
  
"Doing anything now?"  
  
"Nope". Sam smiled; things could be going better. ~  
  
Jack took another swig of his beer in misery. He couldn't believe how lost he felt, torn in half and a bucket full of guilt. He didn't know what to do without her and even alcohol did little to make him forget her.  
  
**I wonder what she's doing right now? I can't believe she would give up everythings she's worked for..her job. She can't have resigned...**  
  
"Daniel" he slurred down the phone.  
  
"Jack, where the hell are you?" he sighed. He might have known he'd do this. "I'll come and pick you up".  
  
"We have to go to the base, Sam might not have resigned". He hoped.  
  
"Jack.." He stopped himself. He needed him as calm as possible. To tell him that since if she had sold the house, she wouldn't exactly not have quit her job.  
  
"What took you so long?"  
  
"Jack, I don't think you shoud see the General Drunk".  
  
"I am going now, if you don't take me, then I'll drive myself" he insisted drunkily.  
  
Daniel sighed; he knew that Jack was that cut up about Sam her might actually try driving. "Ok, but I'm coming in with you"  
  
"Yeah" he swung his hand up in merriment.  
  
Daniel regretted his decision as soon as they reached the base. He didn't know how but Jack was drunker and his words more slurred. An intoxicated Colonel knocking on his door late at night would not exactly thrill the General. It was too late to change his mind now so he guided Jack to Hammond's office.  
  
Jack banged a lot louder than he normally would have done.  
  
**Please don't fire him** Daniel begged as he opened the door for Jack after hearing a 'come in' from the General.  
  
"Jack, what did you need to see me about?"  
  
"General" he swayed slightly and Daniel edged closer to catch his fall if necessary. "I need to know when you later saw Carter?"  
  
"I got her resignation earlier this morning".  
  
This time Jack was heading for the floor when Daniel saved him by putting the chair in the way.  
  
"And you didn't stop her!" Jack pointed his finger angrily.  
  
"I didn't see her, the first I heard of it was when I received the letter of resignation by an Airman earlier. Of course I would have tried to stop her but she never came to see me, Jack" The General explained sadly.  
  
He just worried how he would tell Jacob that his only daughter had left the program and not said where she was going? Why, was a major issue in his mind but it was obvious Jack was upset enough already and drunk..**Does this have anything to do with, Jack?**Hammond wondered angrily. If Jack did something stupid enough for Major Carter to leave he was furious. **If they broke regulations, I'll kill him...**  
  
"Did she say where she was going?" Jack asked hopefully.  
  
"No, just that she wasn't coming back and to find someone new. I'm inclined to agree with her, I'll find a replacement immediately. SG1 have been out of action too long, I need you back".  
  
"General, you can't, give her a few days" he begged.  
  
"Give her two days then we'll go on missions" Daniel attempted to compromise.  
  
"Two days and that's it. Now I need to get on with a report".  
  
"They can't replace her" Jack whimpered like a small child to Daniel after he shut the door behind him.  
  
"He has to".  
  
"Drink" Jack demanded.  
  
"Let's get you home" Daniel told him as he helped the woozy Colonel home.  
  
~  
  
"Need any help?"  
  
"Not unless you can do astrophysics" the Student joked and he looked up and was actually startled at her beauty. Ok, she was a bit older than he usually went for but wasn't the mature woman meant to be * so * much better?  
  
Sam was truly puzzled, was this a joke? Or fate? **Nock it off Sam, its just a joke, but how would he have known? I've told no one**.  
  
"Are you serious?"  
  
He held up the book aptly labelled 'Advanced Astrophysics'.  
  
"You might just be in luck...?" she waited for his name.  
  
"James".  
  
Sam pointed to her nametag but said it anyway. "Sam" she told him. "You have just asked one of the only waitresses in the world that happens to be a Doctor on the field".  
  
"Now you're kidding!"  
  
"I'll prove it, what question are you stuck on?" she moved towards him. This could be a..ok this would be easy compared to anything she had previously done. She figured, for once someone might listen, it just had to be worth it.  
  
He pointed to a *simple * question and she told him in the most basic terms she could think of. He was amazed and thanked her profusely. "I don't know how to thank you..." he stopped when a brainwave hit him. "Would you mind meeting my professor?"  
  
"I'd love to, I have a day off on Tuesday".  
  
She had booked that day to do a bit of sightseeing but this was so much better.  
  
"I'll come by here at 9 then".  
  
"Can't wait!" she jumped up excited and then got back to wiping down the counter, humming as she swiped.  
  
~  
  
"I hate her!".  
  
"She wasn't..that bad" Daniel attempted to defend but failed miserably.  
  
"That bad! She was..."  
  
"A good scientist" Teal'c concurred.  
  
"Yeah but.."  
  
"Nothing compared to Sam" Daniel finished sadly. He didn't really like Sam's replacement either but tried to be at least civil. He couldn't say the same for Jack.  
  
"Not a patch. I mean not only does she infuriate me with her stupid comments but she didn't listen to a thing I said."  
  
"Neither do I!" Daniel laughed and tried to perk Jack up but he failed miserably.  
  
"You're different, least you try. She just walked away when I was trying to tell her something." He turned to Teal'c. "You agree with me, Buddy?"  
  
"She was a bit disobedient".  
  
"A bit! I bet if you quizzed her on what I said to her, she wouldn't be able to tell you a single thing!" Jack told them infruated.  
  
"Whether you like, any of us like it or not. Sam has gone and.."  
  
"What kind of name is Cherry, anyway it's a fruit, not a name and she's so stuck up!"  
  
"Did she not say Cherie Windsor?" Teal'c reminded him.  
  
"It's just a fancier way of saying it. Where did she get off she's so much better than me? She treats me like an imbecile. I do know what I'm talking about!" "Being introduced while you were playing with a yo-yo hardly did well for your street-cred!" Daniel tried not to laugh but he just couldn't help but remember Cherie's face when she saw Jack. It was classic.  
  
Jack's face started to redden but he shrugged it off. "I give her one more mission, then I'm talking to Hammond".  
  
~  
  
Sam twisted her finger through her hair nervously as she followed James through the crowded University. She had almost forgotten what it was like to be a student but when she entered the lecture hall it all came back to her.  
  
"Professor Gates, this is the woman I was telling you about".  
  
He turned round and Sam was startled, he was so young and handome..** Get a grip Sam , you can't muck this up**  
  
"Dr Samantha Carter" She held out her hand.  
  
"It's an honour to meet you" he turned to James. "I think I can take it from here" and James left them alone.  
  
"How long have you been teaching for Professor?"  
  
"Nick, please" he faced her and took in her full figure and saw major potential. Hot and very dateable and possibly a valuable colleague? "About 8 Years now, I taught at New York Uni, before here." He looked at her directly. "I have a class soon, but how about we meet up tonight for a drink?"  
  
"Sure".  
  
"I'll pick you up, where do you live?" he asked curiously.  
  
"It's just temporary" she wasn't sure why she said it. the place was nice, enough for the moment but it was hardly what he would have expected. "Flat 5, Lake Avenue".  
  
"Eight, fine with you?"  
  
"Yes, thank you. See you later...."  
  
~  
  
"I want to strangle her!"  
  
"What's she done now?" Daniel asked not even bothering to look up from the artefact. It was obvious who * she * was, he hadn't stopped complaining about her ever since they met.  
  
"I asked her a reasonable question" Daniel coughed but Jack just ignored Daniel's clear response. "Just to see what the results were from the last mission".  
  
Daniel cocked his head. "Reasonable".  
  
"And necessary, how the hell am I meant to write a report now?"  
  
"What did she say?" Daniel asked still not really interested.  
  
"Nothing, she said that I wouldn't understand her anyway and it would waste her time to explain. The nerve, what gave her the fucking right to speak to me like that? You would think she owned the..."  
  
"Jack" Daniel turned to him and gave him his full attention. This was far more serious than he thought, Jack was furious. "Just give her one more mission.." Jack tried to interrupt him but Daniel stopped him. "You said you would and then you can complain all you like. Just remember that you have to accept a replacement for the benefit of the team, maybe not her but someone else".  
  
"Whatever, but this is the last mission I go on with that witch".  
  
~  
  
Sam pulled on a smart red vest top and black trousers and complimented it with her favourite silver hanging heart necklace. Her hand had skimmed past the golden locket Jack had given her for her birthday last year...the doorbell rang. She stopped a tear from escaping her eye and then rushed to answer the door.  
  
"Hi, you look gorgeous" he admired as she picked up her bag and locked the door.  
  
"Thanks, not too bad yourself, so where are we going?"  
  
"The White Horse, it's my favourite in LA. You'll love it, so Samantha, James tells me you're a doctor...".  
  
They talked for ages at the bar and went through several drinks! He was smitten and she liked him. After hearing how competent in the field she was he promised to talk to the University about a position for her.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"They'd be foolish not to take you on".  
  
She moved over to him and kissed him gratefully on the cheek. He moved his lips to hers and kissed her. She pulled back.  
  
"I'm sorry Nick".  
  
"I thought we were getting on really well" he replied hurt.  
  
"We are, but I've just come out of a serious relationship. I'm not ready for another one so soon. I think I better go" she picked up her bag.  
  
He took hold of her arm. "Samantha, this doesn't change anything. I'll still speak to the board if you want.."  
  
"Of course I do, you really are a great guy" she smiled at him before going to catch a taxi home.  
  
"I really am," he muttered as he ordered another drink.  
  
~  
  
"Don't even try to stop me" Jack told Daniel as he marched to Hammond's office.  
  
Daniel just let him pass.  
  
"O'Neill, is not pleased with the mission?"  
  
"The mission yes, a certain scientist, no" Daniel explained.  
  
"He does not like Cherie?"  
  
"No, not at all".  
  
"I do not, either" the Jaffa replied solemnly before he walked off.  
  
"I cannot work with Dr Windsor anymore Sir" Daniel heard through the door.  
  
"You have only been on two missions with her".  
  
"More than enough General, she does not obey any orders and is certainly not a team player. She is no good for the team Sir. I request she be transferred to a more..appropriate team".  
  
Daniel was surprised at Jack's calmness but refused to move from the spot and kept listening.  
  
"You're sure Jack?"  
  
"Absol.." his mobile started ringing and he looked at the General, he nodded and then Jack opened the door nearly knocking Daniel out.  
  
"You found her" he jumped up. "UCLA, I'm coming" he put the mobile back in his pocket. "He found Sam and I'm gonna get her back"  
  
~  
  
Jack couldn't believe how nervous he was as he walked along the University corridor. She was here. He had waited over a month to see her and now he was trembling at the threat of everything coming crashing down. She decided his future happiness. She had made him realise, just how much he meant to her and how much of a jerk he'd been.  
  
He swept his hand through his hair in reassurance and swept the sweat from his brow. Then he saw her, looking as beautiful as ever, totally unaware of his presense. She was talking to someone in a suit at the front of the room. Jack felt a wave of jealously flood through him as he realised that she was flirting, well it sure looked like it. **Calm, yourself, you're acting like a jerk again. You'll probably reading to much into this. Nice to know she can move on...don't. you want her back, talk calmly otherwise you've lost her. Here's goes nothing..**  
  
"Sam".  
  
The name sent a shiver down her spine and she swivelled round. Knowing who she'd be facing, not sure whether to dread or face it head on, in typical Sam Carter fashion. She just looked at him then words actually came out. "Jack".  
  
Nick was rather confused by this *guy's * entrance and was less that thrilled at the way he was looking at Sam. "Samantha?" he said her name in attempt to remind her he was still here.  
  
"Nick, I have to go, I'll speak to you later".  
  
"Yeah" he muttered as he picked up his briefcase and left them alone.  
  
"What are you doing here Jack?" she wasn't angry, for the moment at least. Just curious she guessed. She had closed that book and she didn't think he'd ever actually find her. **How did he find me?**  
  
"I was a jerk Sam and I never should have treated you so badly. You were hurting and I..did nothing to help. I only made it worse".  
  
She just stared at him. She had longed for those words but now they felt as if she had dreamed them. Like this was all a dream, one, which would end any minute now and she would be back to where she was before.  
  
"Ok" she told him dazedly. "Lets go somewhere more private to talk".  
  
He just nodded, slightly hurt by her reaction.  
  
She took him to a little virtually deserted park. She sat on the grass verge and looked up at him.  
  
"Jack, I hate you for what you did and I'm still haunted by my immense guilt. I'm happy here, I have a life and now..." her voice was full of sorrow and then anger flooded through her. She did have a life now, one, which up to now he hadn't be able to touch, to ruin. "You want to ruin it and what to tell me that you've finally realised that I'm human, that I have feelings.."  
  
"Sam".  
  
"You treated me like dirt and I let you walk all over me." She realied. "I don't let men do that to me, after Jonus I swore I would never.."  
  
"I'm sorry, I guess I.."  
  
She turned away from him. "Acted on your instincts, to have a one night stand and then disregard the woman. Some women will let you do that, some even want it but I won't let you." She moved further away and gazed at the small play park for children in the distance. A tear fell from her eye. "You had your chance" she got up and began to walk away.  
  
"I know I messed up and I have no right to ask for your forgiveness..".  
  
"You're right about that".  
  
"But I'm human to. I made a mistake and I want to make up for it" she walked further away and Jack knew he was loosing the fight, her. "I missed you Sam more than I thought possible and I can't go through that again. The last two months have been hell, and..." she stopped. He rushed forward t face her. "I want you back".  
  
Sha gazed at him. His face was so sincere, she wanted to say that deep down she had missed him to. That her life in LA was nice, but nothing compared to Colarado Springs, home. She missed her family and him but her mind told her that she would be a fool to go back to him. In time, he would let her down and then moving on would be so much harder.  
  
"I can't".  
  
"Please" tears filled his eyes and he let them slip as he looked at her face. He was so desperate to scoop her in his arms, to kiss her. To be so close and yet she felt so far away. He reached his hand out unable to help himself. "I love you" he told her meaning every word. He had never meant the words with so much adoration before.  
  
Tears fell down her cheeks and she made no attempt to nock back his hand on her face. "Really?"  
  
"With all my heart so much it hurts. My life has been in shatters since you left. Just ask Daniel, I've been bugging the poor guy beyond belief". She smiled, as she used to do, at his comments. "I need you Sam. More than I ever wanted to allow myself to do. That's the truth".  
  
"I want to come back but I.."  
  
"Come back, please. I know you want to, you love the job and me I hope..." he was desperate. He pulled himself together and then reached into his pocket and retrived the item that had been burning it.  
  
"The regulations?"  
  
"I'll quit if I have to ".He got down on one knee, the stronger one. She looked at him amazed at what was happening. "Samantha Carter, I love you, I may not be the ideal guy, and I can't promise I won't make anymore stupid mistakes. I can promise you that you will always have my heart. I want to the best for you but I want you to be happy. If you'll let me, I want that happiness to be from me. I want to be with your forever as my wife." he waited for her answer his heart thudding.  
  
"I love you to Jack".  
  
"Is that a yes?" he jumped up.  
  
"Of course it is"  
  
He swept her up in his strong arms and then kissed her passionately. "As long as you promise that you'll be mine forever".  
  
"Is that all, my love?"  
  
"For now" she replied as she jumped on him and they fell to the ground in a passionate embrace. Both being happier than they'd ever been.  
  
Love's a funny thing.  
  
~End~ 


End file.
